A Mistaken Perception...

I don't know if it is really more common now or if I just notice it more because I am a parent, but it seems to me that there are a lot more cases where people are killing themselves and taking their children with them.  Whatever the circumstances, it is distressing, but I wonder if it is often  at least in part, down to a warped perspective of the nature of parenthood?

I can see that in many cases, it seems to be one parent denying the other "possession" of the children as part of a divorce/break up.  Obviously, these people are not functioning quite "normally", but the bit that confuses me most is where they get the idea that they are in whole or in part the "owners" of their children?  This is certainly not the way that I think of parenthood (though I in no way claim to be an expert).  

My view is that we, as parents, are merely caretakers of our children - bringing them into being, feeding, protecting and educating them and guiding them to adulthood to make their own contribution to the world.  They owe us nothing, other than perhaps a little gratitude and maybe respect (assuming we have earned it) and they are in no way our possessions.  I have seen my son on the boundary between life and death - at one point with a heart rate of 253 - and have had to make decisions (no-brainers really) such as signing consent forms for surgery, that no parent would want to have to make, but it is not my decision to end that life or anyone else's.  His life is his own, and always should be. 

This brings me to another thing that I have encountered in news stories recently that I find difficult to handle.  I am an Atheist.  I am very happy with that and feel more at ease with that aspect of my life now than I ever have.  However, I have no real issue with people having religious beliefs. I can't really understand how they rationalise them, but fair play to them.  There is a definite line in the sand, though.  I think that where religious belief starts to require the suffering of others then it loses validity for me.  

An example of this is the stories that I have seen where religious parents (often, it would seem, American) have failed to get their children proper medical care, preferring to rely on prayer and ultimately resulting in the death of the child ("God's Will" my arse).  This is, in my eyes, one of the grossest types of dereliction of the most important duty of parenthood - to protect your child to the limit of your abilities.  Any god who wants your child to die is worthless in my view.  

I have decided (partly inspired by an interview with Neil Peart that I read recently, though mainly through years of contemplation of such things) that I can see only one rule I need (laws of the land notwithstanding) and the best way that I can think of to formulate it is "Wherever you can, lessen suffering".